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"Alcohol Addiction, Getting Rid of Resentments, Easier Said Then Done."
by Toby Rice Drews
by Toby Rice Drews
Even though it is good for our health to get rid of resentments, it is TOTALLY understandable when families of drinking alcoholics have resentments! The problem is, is trying to let go of those resentments (as much as we can) while we're still in the situation, living with the active alcoholism .... and even if we leave, when there are children, there is usually ongoing contact of some kind.
Families often feel that if they get rid of resentments, and if they then stop letting the alcoholic know how angry they are about it all, all the time --- then the alcoholic will then think he/she is "getting away with it". What could the alcoholic be getting away with?! Alcoholism is a fatal disease....... and continuing the drinking and the junk behavior is killing them. (Isn't it amazing how often we all forget this, when dealing with the abuse coming out of their mouths?!) .
And we usually have another reason for wanting to keep telling them that they are doing what they are doing...... we think that maybe, some day, if we say it enough, then they'll really hear us, and get help. If that were true..... if alcoholics got help because their families pleaded, cajoled, yelled, reminded, scolded, begged, and cried long and hard enough ------ then, there wouldn't be any alcoholics around. It just doesn't work. They know when they lie, when they evade, when they are abusive ------ we don't have to "let them know"..
AND..... when we really let go...... when we really stop the commenting, the cajoling, the begging, the useless yelling ...... We are then giving the problem back to the alcoholic...... and he (or she) stands alone with it. And that can be very scary to the alcoholic. And that is often the time when the alcoholic asks for help. (P.S. And another reason to not be always yelling.... they don't hear us, after awhile. It loses its effect. So, if you do have to do an intervention at some point, and if you've stopped talking about the alcoholism months before -- your input at the intervention has a much greater effect.)
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