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"Alcohol Communication Problems: Toxic brain cannot make substantial relationships. "
by Toby Rice Drews
by Toby Rice Drews
How not to get totally depressed when learning that almost all the time, when you're in a relationship with an alcoholic, the problem is not that you haven't found the way to have "meaningful communications'' with your partner ...............but that it's really a problem that his toxic brain cannot make substantial relationship changes....
How to not get totally depressed by this?
1. What is the alternative? To continue to pursue believing that 'somehow it's got to be a 'relationship' answer.......... just makes one frustrated.
It's like, "beating one's head against a brick wall."
And family members, who are un-treated-for-the-family-disease-of-alcoholism ------ repeat this "trying to get the alcoholic to UNDERSTAND" over and over for years and years.
Often, with different family members taking turns, saying to each other, "you do it this time.....YOU talk to him! I"M done with him!"
And then------- the one who said, "I"M done with him!" ----- tries yet again.
And gets angry again-------------and "passes the banner to yet another family member, to "straighten him out".
2. Beginning to accept the facts of the diseased brain.......does this:
We finally KNOW, deep down, that we can stand on our heads, and recite passages from novels ...backwards... and it will still have the same effect.
We finally KNOW that it does not matter "How" we say it......... we finally are more at peace with just not answering a 'bottle' when the alcoholic babbles junk to us....... we know he probably won't even remember this moment because they have blackouts and they don't know it-------- and we don't know it either when it happens because they appear 'normal' when the blackouts are occuring.
And then we can have SOOO much more energy and TIME! to do things we enjoy ------with people we enjoy doing things with.
We stop sitting up all night, explaining to him.....................
We get SLEEP!
3. This all helps give us some peace inside........some clarity, then.... and we can then decide which option we want to do ........and we can decide to stay or leave ........or leave for a little while........or find a lifestyle that takes us away from "his mouth" for hours every day....... or whatever works for each of us.
Instead of the toxic brain problem that it is.
2. Now-----the paradox of all this is-------- the more we truly deep down understand that he has a brain disease of alcoholism-------the more we KNOW we can emotionally detach and give the disease's consequences back to him.........and then the more he has a chance to get sober!
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