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"Alcoholism Treatment, Making mountains out of mole hills."
by Toby Rice Drews
by Toby Rice Drews
What to do when you feel stuck in your recovery?
These suggestions might very well help -------
a.) when you repeatedly respond with fear (even when you are the only one who knows it) in a present situation that does not logically call for that kind of intense fear ---- instead of the usual beating yourself up for it, stroke your forearm with your other hand, and say to yourself, lovingly, "This is so nice that you are yourself. And God danced the day you were born. And He is just so SO happy that you are you."
b.) when you make a 'silly' mistake that does not injure others, but makes you feel not good about yourself ------- hug yourself and say, "well, isn't that nice that you made a mistake again?! How wonderful! How very very wonderful!"
Families of alcoholics often make molehills out of mountains -- and don't know that we are doing it. Alcoholics -- whether we are married for 45 years OR even if we basically just met him/her ----- have a distinct ability to be able to make us feel like we need to explain ourselves when we do not want to take emotional abuse.
We can sign up for an adult-education pottery class and casually meet someone there who is an alcoholic -- invite him and a couple of other classmates over for coffee------ and if that alcoholic is rude when he's at your house and you stop him ------- that alcoholic can try to make you feel like you owe him explanations for not putting up with his shenanigans ------ and he's behaving badly in YOUR home!
And if we have lived with alcoholism for any amount of time in our lives, we have this pattern:
When we talk it over with another friend about it ---
a.) we find ourselves explaining in great detail how we think we have the right to tell that alcoholic not to behave that way with us.
b.) we find ourselves "giving the alcoholic another chance"! (Remember, we just met this jerk in a class we are taking!)
c.) we ask for feedback from friends to see "if we should make him leave the house if we invite the group over and he acts up again.
d.) it doesn't even occur to us that people who did not grow up with abuse//addiction//alcoholism in the family ----- have an unconscious "one strike and you're out" philosophy they live by ------ i.e., if a person comes over and it turns out that he's an emotionally abusive person -- he is asked to leave and THAT'S THAT! No more thinking about it for a moment........ AND IF ANYONE SHOULD EVEN THINK OF SAYING THAT YOU SHOULD HAVE MAYBE GIVEN HIM ANOTHER CHANCE, YOU LOOK AT THAT PERSON LIKE THEY ARE OUT OF THEIR MINDS. YOU DON'T EVEN ARGUE WITH THEM.
WHAT'S THERE TO ARGUE ABOUT?! IT'S A CRAZY IDEA TO EVEN GIVE A MOMENT'S CONSIDERATION TO LETTING THAT PERSON BACK INTO YOUR LIFE.
YOU PUT IT OUT OF YOUR MIND AND GO ON. IT NEVER BOTHERS YOU.
IT DOES NOT NAG AT YOU LATER THAT "MAYBE YOU DIDN'T DO ENOUGH". THAT KIND OF ALCOHOLIC-FAMILY THINKING IS NOT EVEN IN YOUR VOCABULARY.
----------- best to all in recovery, Toby
Recovery Communications, Inc. • P.O. Box 19910 • Baltimore, MD 21211
Phone: 410-243-8352 • Fax: 410-243-8558 • e-mail: firstname.lastname@example.org
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