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"Leaving An Alcoholic, Jumping Back In "
by Toby Rice Drews
by Toby Rice Drews
Irrational-Guilt tapes + societal expectations + "sense of family"+ loneliness
What a mix!
It's not only our old, old patterns that make us sitting-ducks for giving-in to expectations of persons who are not good for us. It's also the above mix ------
a. old tapes that we heard consciously or unconsciously, growing up.....all the 'shoulds' that we take to heart....... that don't do really any damage when the family is like "Leave it to Beaver" re-runs on tv.
b societal expectations-------that are really based on MAJOR denial about what is going on in almost half of families
c. our longing for a "sense of family"-------when many of us were just about (figuratively) "raised by wolves"
d. and the one that we are often not aware of---------but that nags at us from the edge ----- the loneliness we sense we'll feel if we let-go of the only "blood" relatives (or in-laws) that we have........no matter if they are drunk // nasty // not good for us.
So-------what do we often do?
Certainly not think it through before we return that phone call! And then------- we're 'back in it' again....... and if we extricate, again....... that pulling-on-us-irrational-guilt kicks in again.......... and we add to that-------kicking ourselves for 'giving in'. For, if WE don't add guilt to ourselves---------surely those on the other end, will do so! Many of them miss our involvement in their Excited Misery!
When We Abused As Children
There are so many of us who were abused as children, who find it very difficult to find an inner permission to do what is good for us. We get scared to even think that what is going on, is really going on -- when there is abuse, again, in the present time. It makes us feel scared, guilty -- for even thinking it is so. We who have been so abused-------we so often unconsciously get afraid that we will be Divinely punished for "telling on them". For even thinking it. And in that same vein, we get afraid of trusting our guts, at times. It seems so frightening ------- to not only see what we see-------but to admit it, if only to ourselves. It's like, "do I dare even say to myself that it is going on?"
We don't have to get courage to trust ourselves ----- we can just remind ourselves that our Higher Power gave us that gut-instinct......... all we need to know is that the gut-reaction to abuse is a God-given reaction. And no one need be reminded that we can trust a reaction that is God-given.
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