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"Trust and Newly Sober: Does drinking increase cancer? "
by Toby Rice Drews
by Toby Rice Drews
1.)) In most A.A. meetings, the oldtimes admonish the new guys.... when the new ones say to the meeting, "my wife STILL doesn't trust me!"........and he's three weeks or three months sober. The oldtimers tell them to "give her plenty of time. After all, how many years did you act like you did?"
And then they talk with them about Steps 8 and 9 of the 12 step program. Those steps tell the alcoholic that he NEEDS to make amends to those he hurt.
2.)) When a puppy is rescued after he had been born into and raised (even for a short time) in an abusive home........ it usually takes the rescuing home a full year of treating that puppy CONSISTENTLY sweetly........before that puppy totally trusts those new parents.
(I know this from my own experience. When I rescued my Sarah-puppy when she was 9 months old, and Ron and I sang to her, fed her by hand for awhile, loved her to pieces, clapped when she threw her jerky up in the air before she ate it........ she still didn't really 'smile' that puppy smile, nor stop running under the sofa when she heard a loud noise. I called the dear vet who saved her life, and asked him about this. He told me that it takes abused animals about a full year before they can ever really trust again, even in consistently sweet homes.
After a year, she did indeed start "smiling" all the time!)
3.)) I've posted this before..........but it needs repeating.
My Isabel (who co-founded Al-Anon in Baltimore around 60+ years ago), always tells people that it took a full year before she could even sit next to her husband on the couch.
And ....she always added......... "and that's after he hadn't even ever been mean or arrogant when he drank!"
4.)) Livewell wrote.......... "I need time to heal, I need time to experience positive interactions, to SEE he is who is says he has become, to see that the alligator is out of the pond before I go swimming with my son."
This expresses so well the need and the RIGHT to give OURSELVES time when they get sober in A.A. in order to see that's it's ok to trust them.
To see that it is SAFE to trust them.
5.)) What's a good thing to reply, when continually asked, "when are you ever going to trust me again??!"
"I trust YOU. I don't trust YOUR DISEASE."
6.)) Alcoholism is a very patient disease.
If the alcoholic is to truly recover, he needs to be MORE patient than his disease is.
HE needs to be patient...... not us.
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